"The disruption in your life is making my life intolerable."
"It's like a disco-ball on your face."
"I love you, but I am so glad you are going out because I can't be bothered to listen to you all night."
"I just look at it, and have to shit."
"I just remembered that I peed behind a bush last night on my date."
"I can't leave my organics on the kitchen counter, but you can leave your scab on the coffee table... That's it!  I'm calling a family meeting."
"Don’t worry.  My words are not going to alter the universe."